when the time comes let me go -leah

[Seth Clearwater]

Seth yawned as he rested his hands on the keyboard he had been sitting there the past two hours working on graphics. Things had been picking up as school came to a close and he was hoping that he would hear back any day from any of the colleges that he had applied to. To keep his family and pack happy he had put one in the local college even though he didn’t plan on going there unless he had no where else wanting to instead get away from the area. Yawning he shut the computer down and put his laptop away and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a drink of soda as he hummed. It was getting harder and harder to keep from being found out when it came to the decision the only one that he had let know was Leah the two were always close no matter what happened they had each others back but even she had not been happy with the fact that he maybe leaving in a few short months.

It had been one of the hardest decisions that he had ever come to when it came to things. He had a pack here and responsibilities as a wolf but also wanted to have his own life. He had been a wolf since he had been fifteen and ever since then it had been a part of his life. When a teacher had said that he could move up and do good he made the decision to apply. Hoping that they would support him and that things would not fall apart around him. They had all bonded over the past two years due to the fact that they had a common goal and he would always love the pack even as they changed some were bound to come and go he would just be the first one to make it. Shaking his head to clear it he knew he couldn’t keep thinking about it…he would just upset himself in the end and then he would stay something he didn’t want…he wanted to do something with his life besides be a wolf and it had been showing lately.

Trying to relax he found a seat and glanced at the clock he still had some time before he was supposed to go on patrol. Resting his head in his hands he wished things could be easier. It was days like this he wished that his father was here and that he could have his advice. Things had never been the same since the older mans death and even though Charlie was a great guy the two had never bonded and after awhile both had given up trying. No one could replace their father and even though he was glad to see his mother happy he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if the man had still been there in their lives. Would he be so ready to leave and get away from the pain that had come with being a wolf? Perhaps he had no idea anymore it was hard to be sure on either account all he could do was just continue to push on and hope that things would work out in the end.

Hearing someone come in he paused before he stretched “in here” he called his voice soft. Weather it would be his mother or his sister he would be glad for their company. Standing up he walked towards the entrance “hey” smiling lightly trying to remain cheerful around them even if he was in a bad mood he tried to be nice to anyone that he came across “how are you?” he asked them after a few moments and gave a typical Seth grin.

[leah]

Small, grey paws dug into soft dirt. Leah was on patrol again, but mostly willingly this time. She had also refused to let anyone come with her. She had a lot on her mind, none of which she wanted people listening in on. She was nearing the end of her patrol shift; she’d been running all night and into the day, so she was fairly hungry. Despite the fact that she could really use some food, she dreaded going back home. It wasn’t that she hated being home, though Leah thought it was probably time that she get her own place and move out of the house she had lived in since she could remember with Sue and Seth, and their father Harry until he died - something she felt very responsible for, her father’s death. She was almost sure that her being a shifter had something to do with it.

As her shift neared the end, Leah went back to the place where she had left her clothes and shifted back into her human form. This was another reason she liked to patrol alone. She was sure everyone in the pack had seen her naked and she had seen all of them naked, though she’d tried hard not to because it was just kind of… well most of them did nothing for her like that. But she still liked her privacy. She pulled on her short shorts and black tank top, then slipped her flip flops on. Her glow in the dark blue nail polish was still on, though considerably a bit dirtier. She took out her lipstick from her shorts pocket and put it on while she walked the short distance home.

Her wolf stop had been just a few human minutes walk from the house, so it wasn’t long before she reached the house and heard Seth’s voice. He looked tired. Leah held up a finger to show that she would be ready to talk in a minute and yawned. Come to think of it, she was really tired. Patrolling all night obviously didn’t leave Leah much time for rest, but she wasn’t complaining. Jacob had made her the Beta, she had responsibilities.

And those responsibilities meant keeping the pack together, which included her brother. Leah was in a difficult position here. She wanted her brother to have the best life, so it would be really great for him to attend college somewhere away from the reservation. She knew about Seth’s desire to leave for college, and as a sister, she should support him with that. As Beta of the pack, she couldn’t. Not to mention, Leah was sort of… really… selfish. Seth was the closest person to her and she preferred to not lose him. She poured herself a cup of coffee and took a drink, then turned around to face Seth.

“Hey,” she said, feeling better already now that she had some coffee in her. She didn’t want to get into how she was, she just wanted to know about Seth’s progress as far as schools went. She looked at the applications and papers lying around, and the lap top. “You know, Washington State isn’t that bad…”

tag: seth
words: 532
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credits: template by me ;; lyrics stay by lisa loeb

[Seth Clearwater]

Watching as she came into the house he walked over and hugged her gently wrapping his arms around her. The two had always been close even when things were rough for the both of them “how was patrol?” he asked her after a few moments. He would be relieving her soon when his time would come up as he sat down on the couch and paused thinking things over. None of this would be easy and he had known she wouldn’t agree with him but the argument was taking its toll on him. Even now she brought it up and he frowned at her “I don’t want to go to Washington State and you know it Leah…I need to get away from this state” his voice was agitated but he was beginning to soften to the idea and even though he didn’t like it he knew that Jacob could force him to stay if he wanted to enough just by using his alpha voice. He hoped that it would never happen but he knew Leah could do the same if she wanted to.

Watching her he sighed quietly and looked down “I am sorry Leah…I know you are just trying to do what you think is right…but” swallowing he looked at the ground and tried to figure out how to figure it all out. Everything had been quite hard even saying he wanted to go to a place as far away as Miami Florida to get away from being a wolf if needed. He needed to get free of things and have his own life “you used to want out of this as much as I do Leah…to be free and have a life what changed?” he asked though he knew. She may have never said anything but he had a feeling that she had fallen in love with Jacob before Nessie had come along but he had never brought it up afraid that he would hurt her in the process.

Stretching out on the couch he tried to think on how to do things. The fact was he was feeling like he was being smothered when it came to things. No one seemed to understand what he wanted or would back him and it was depressing. Putting his head in his hands his body shook after a few moments as he composed himself “life is more then just running around as a wolf after vampires who would never hurt us Leah I love being a wolf but we have to have lives outside of this because being a wolf is not going to be something that lasts forever…haven’t you wondered what you will do?” he asked her after a few moments.

[leah]

Leah poured some creamer into her cup and took a spoon from a drawer to stir it all together. She shrugged; what really was there to say about patrol? “Pointless, as usual. I mean, what do we expect though? We’re protecting those leaches so there’s bound to be stink everywhere.” So Leah was still bitter about being the guard dogs for the Cullens. She knew that Seth liked them, and it was the only thing keeping her from ripping out the throats of every single one of them, then burning their bodies. Well, that and the orders of their almighty Alpha. Jacob had imprinted on the little Renesmee demon that had lived inside Leah’s arch enemy, Isabella Swan. Leah had had a major crush on Jacob. After Sam had left Leah for her cousin Emily, Leah had cried her eyes out for longer than she cared to admit. Then she fell for Jacob and found that loving two people at the same time was complicated. Plus, she had to keep the whole Jacob thing from everyone in the pack. She thought Seth might know, but only because they were so close. She wouldn’t tell him, since she knew he’d probably just worry about her. The female wolf in their pack who had such bad luck. And now she had imprinted. And Leah was doing everything in her power to resist. She had thought, at one time, that imprinting would make things so much easier. That person was chosen for you and you wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. But Leah didn’t know how to receive love anymore. She’d been through it with Sam, but since he left her for Emily, Leah just hadn’t been the same.

Anyway, Leah wasn’t going to let her brother’s love for the blood suckers get in the way of how she felt about them. Bella Cullen was the girl who ruined her life… again. She wasn’t about to start being all friendsy with the things. Besides, the stunk to high heaven. Leah thought that even putting on nose plugs wouldn’t take away the stench. And she wasn’t going to let her complicated love life get in the way of patrolling or keeping Seth in the state of Washington, though to be completely honest, Leah was torn on whether she wanted him there or not. Leah worried about her little brother, no matter what it was he was doing. Protecting leaches was a really dangerous thing for him, in her opinion, because he trusted them so much. How was he supposed to live somewhere out of state without his pack? That was insane. But she also knew, that if she wasn’t the Beta of the pack right now, she’d want as far away from La Push as possible. Then there was what was good for the pack. As Jacob’s Beta, Leah was always thinking of what was best for the pack. It was what she was supposed to do. Seth needed to be with his pack. She’d order him to stay if she had to, but she didn’t really want to resort to that. Betas orders had to be obeyed too. She could do it… if she had to. The only thing stopping her would be Jake’s word that Seth could go. She wondered if Jacob would do something that cruel to Leah. Leah needed her brother there. Who else was going to put up with her?

“You forget that those leaches are immortal, Seth. How the hell do you plan to stop shifting? And you’re going to leave your pack? You were the first to follow Jacob. And now you want to abandon us?” She downed her coffee and poured another cup, feeling as though she needed it a lot more now. “You have to understand, as a sister, of course I would want what’s best for you. As Second in Command of the pack, I have to think of what’s best for the pack. And some vampires will hurt you, Seth. Those filthy Cullens might not, but others will.”

tag: seth
words: 675
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credits: template by me ;; lyrics stay by lisa loeb

[Seth Clearwater]

Seth cringed at her words and looked down he didn’t look well like he had not slept in awhile from things. How often had he played this over in his mind over and over in the past few months “they will leave sooner or later their ages were slowly coming into question and then our days will be over as wolves as was the last generation” or at least he hoped. He paused as he looked down “we cant do this for an eternity Leah don’t you want to find love? Get married and have a family? The fact is sooner or later we have to start wondering about our own lives and what we will do when its time to pass it on” he said quietly. He hated the idea and it showed in his eyes as he looked towards the ground and shook his head. He knew she was right and he pulled his knees to his chest “I…don’t want to go Leah but…can we really plan our whole lives around this?” he asked her as he stood and walked towards the window and looked out the window and swallowed quietly.

He watched her for a moment and paused “you act like this is easy for me do you think I like the thought of leaving you behind? Or Jacob? No it kills me inside Leah” he said quietly “yea I guess I am the biggest jerk in the world to you right now…and maybe I am but I don’t know what to do my heart and mind are telling me two different things” he said quietly as he looked ahead. He wished that he had never been phased at times while he loves it most of the time as it had given him freedom “and yes I know what dad would want from me but what about what we want? Me, You, Jacob do you think he will stay here when Reneesmee leaves? If you do you then you have more faith then I do what happens then? We go with him leave our family behind?” he asked and looked at her “were damned if we do damned if we don’t and you know it…I am sorry” he said quietly.

He knew that she had to get angry with this and he paused “you love him Leah…I know you like the back of my hand and can see it hurts you to see him with her” he said quietly. He was speaking the truth “I don’t like that Leah you’re my sister and seeing you in pain again is hard” he paused and stood and walked over and hugged her gently and wrapped his arms around her and sighed quietly “fine…I wont go” he said suddenly and walked over and opened the door “I should go anyway” he said softly and started out the way. Even though he had over an hour till he was supposed to he needed to get out and about and maybe work some steam off. He was going to do what they wanted otherwise he was sure that he would never hear the end of it as he brushed a strand of hair from his eyes “there everyone is happy” he said sounding bitter about it to the dear end as he walked down the steps already removing his shirt.

He had no idea where he would go with this and the fact that all their futures seemed to be decided before they even had a chance to decide what they wanted to do. Resting his hands inside of his pockets he walked behind the bush and got ready to shift just wanting to get away and get some peace of mind…or so he hoped to since one could never know who would be on the other end of the wolf wave length which could be creepy enough at times…esp. when your sister was one of them.

[leah]

It wasn’t really Seth’s fault that he wanted to have a life beyond the pack, but he could have one right here, in La Push, until they had to move. Of course they’d have to travel with the Cullens, Leahs aw no other option even though she hated them with a passion. Well, all except that Rosalie, she could sort of see the blonde’s perspective. But Jacob was their pack leader and Leah was the second. Seth was part of that pack - it was just unacceptable for him to leave them. It also wasn’t Seth’s fault that Leah had kept the fact that she’d imprinted from him. It was hard when they could all hear each other’s thoughts in wolf form, but Leah had made sure that she was on patrol alone mostly and the times she was with someone else there were very few of them and she made sure her mind was busy with other things. Besides, it didn’t take away how she felt for Jacob and Sam. Everyone said that once that person was in your life everything else didn’t matter. They were wrong. It was just that she knew she wasn’t supposed to be with Jacob or Sam anymore. It was Jace. Maybe wolves just weren’t supposed to be with other wolves. Maybe they couldn’t. Maybe they had to be with normal humans to spread the gene. If Leah could have kids anyway; she still wasn’t sure about that.

“When the Cullens leave, we follow. We are not leaving Jacob. We’re wolves for a reason. What happened to protecting the innocent? I thought you liked being in Jake’s pack. No, we don’t get a choice. We were born for this.” Why was Seth being so difficult? It wasn’t like he was the only one stuck to this stupid agreement. Leah wanted out of it just as much but she had to do what was right for the pack. She couldn’t just give up on her responsibilities. Didn’t Seth get that?

Leah wrapped her arms gently around her brother so he could break free at any minute when he walked over to give her a hug. That was one thing about Seth - no matter how much they thought the other was screwing up they were still family. The words about Jacob and how Leah felt about their Alpha stung. Bad. Yes, she did love Jacob and she had a feeling that would never change. Just like how she loved Sam and that wasn’t going to change. But she loved Jace more and that was going to have to be enough. It was enough. She could move on now. Let Sam and Jake be happy. And Jake would never really have to know that Leah had loved him. That was the best part - he’d never have to feel guilty like Sam had.

She was stunned slightly when Seth let go and began to walk away, saying that he needed to go. “You’re not on patrol for another hour and I can rearrange the schedule if I have to anyway.” Leah followed her brother outside. “Do not shift, Seth Clearwater. That’s a direct order, we are not done here.” Maybe it was time to tell him. She probably should have told him as soon as it had happened, but really, it hadn’t happened that long ago. She sighed when she got to him, this wasn’t exactly a conversation she wanted to have. “Look, this isn’t all peaches and cream for me either. I… sort of… I imprinted, okay. But I have to do my job just like you. We don’t have a choice. I don’t expect you to be happy about it, but I expect you to stay.”

tag: seth
words: 622
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credits: template by me ;; lyrics stay by lisa loeb

[Seth Clearwater]

He was so close to shifting that was when his sister came out and he froze when he heard her voice. The 2nd voice he could not disobey and he froze where he was and got dressed cursing at her the entire time “you dare use that voice on me?” he snapped at her such anger boiling in his eyes ‘how often did you complain about it being used on you Leah? So you could not do what you wanted?” he asked as he stared at her ‘I cant believe that you would be such a hypocrite if anything you should be on my side none of us want to live forever and yet where are we going to stand?’ he asked calmly and stared at her “the fact is what you just did makes you just as bad as Sam” he snarled at his sister.

The usual calm Seth was gone now as he stared at his sister he walked over and stared her in the eyes “and if I decide to go back to Sam will you stop me then Leah? Are you going to control my life from now on where I will never be able to be happy? To control me like you were when this all started does this make you happy Leah? To take my future away from me that I can never do what the hell I want to do because of one person?” he snapped feeling his anger rise in him he would have shifted if she had not shut that down from anger alone his eyes stared in hers ‘you want to play god Leah go ahead but do not play it with me I am not some toy for you to play with and then throw away I am a human being Leah and I will be damned if my whole life will be planned by You, Jacob or the Cullen family for the rest of eternity” he snapped.

Did he love being a wolf yes of course did he want to be around the others? Yes but his whole future he didn’t know “the others have never gone through this they all got to retire when it was time and move on and have a family what about us Leah don’t you want to” and then he froze when he realized she had imprinted and he stared at her “you imprinted and yet you want to leave him here?” he asked and snorted “great idea Leah find your soul mate and ask them to pack up every few years and move because you have to play tag along” he said and rolled his eyes “we have to have our own lives Leah I love the pack just as much as everyone but none of us signed up for a eternity of following them around and I wont so go ahead Leah FORCE ME” he said and stared into her eyes as he walked over and sat down on the bench and put his head in his hands and sighed taking a deep breath “that’s what you seem good at anyway” he said stiffly.

The emotions that he was feeling at the moment were hard to read besides anger. They would have ranged from shock to depressed but anger showed brightly as he stared into her eyes “go ahead Leah make me your slave so I cant have a life say it” he snapped “all you have to do is say the words and you will have me here all to your lonesome but just remember your no better then Sam for what you are doing to me or what you will…I will never forgive you” he said simply those words held so much strength to them as he growled just wanting to end everything right now.

[leah]

Leah’s breath caught in her throat. She’d completely intended on using the second voice on Seth, but she hadn’t thought he would react that way. Sure, she expected him to be a little upset about it, Leah didn’t use that voice much and she wasn’t happy that she could use it either. It wasn’t like she spent her days wondering how she could get Seth into a situation where she could control him. That just wasn’t who Leah was. She wanted nothing more than for Seth to be happy, but she had to think about her responsibilities and her loyalty to Jacob as well. She thought Seth, of all people her little brother, would understand her position. She’d spent enough time being the subject of torment. First with Sam, then with Jacob, and now with her own imprint, though the last one only tormented her because she knew she’d have to watch him die eventually, if she didn’t act fast anyway. She had a couple of ideas rolling around in her head about how to solve that whole death thing. But she couldn’t believe that her own little brother, who had watched the pain she went through, probably knowing her pain better than anyone else, told her that she was no better than Sam.

“Sam is a good leader.” She said the words through her teeth. She was confident with that statement. She’d even told Jacob once that he was a good Alpha, just not in the way that Sam was. Leah’s ex was logical when not biased and did what he thought was best for the pack and the people they were to protect. She genuinely believed that he was good at what he did and that he was a strong Alpha. She believed the same about Jacob, just that he was good in different ways. The thing the two Alphas had in common was that Leah loved them both. And now she also loved Jace. What horrid luck. She figured that since both Jacob and Sam had their imprints, it was a good thing that she had one too. But now that she had one, it was like her free will had been taken away from her. She was split between loving Jace and being the Beta of the pack. Leah was doing her best to be both at the same time and it was obviously taking a toll on her. But she was more a wolf than human anymore. “If comparing me to Sam is the best you’ve got, I suggest you work harder.”

The female werewolf just let her brother go on and on with his little tantrum. Leah waited while Seth talked, insulting her more and more. He just didn’t get that this was killing her, or maybe that was his intention. Throw everything in her face just like everyone else. Of course she knew this plan had flaws; she knew that something would have to be done with Jace, but it would take time to stop shifting and Leah wasn’t sure she was strong enough to do that. She liked being able to shift too much. And if she had Jace to protect, why would she stop shifting at all, whether there were vampires around or not? And it seemed like there would always be vampires around.

Leah closed her eyes, took a breath, and then opened her eyes again. “I’m not going to take your life away, Seth. I’m not going to order you to stay, though I should. But you were the one so in love with the Cullens” she stumbled over their name, still uncomfortable with the vampires “and now you just want to abandon them and Jacob.” She gritted her teeth again. “I can’t believe you, of all people, would bring up Sam.” Her jaw was set tight, obviously she had just taken an emotional blow.

tag: seth
words: 646
outfit: click
credits: template by me ;; lyrics stay by lisa loeb

[Seth Clearwater]

Sighing he closed his eyes and took a breath and tried to calm down as he saw what he had left his sister in he stood and walked over and hugged her. He knew he had hurt her and now regretted each word “god Leah…I lost it I am sorry” he said quietly and hugged her tightly and rested his head on her shoulder. He paused as he stayed there and didn’t want to let go but he did after a few moments “I…I am sorry” he said knowing he could never say it enough as he closed his eyes and sat down slowly and then walked over and sat down. Their were things that should never be said to his sister and he had just crossed so many lines it was not funny and he was surprised that she had not slapped him and almost wished that she had for what he had just said to her was not right and inexcusable.

Had he changed in the past two years yes they all had but maybe she had a point “its not that…I don’t want to be around them or not in a pack its just” he looked down. They had been through so much since this had all started a small pack that had come in a short time “I…” he looked down and sighed quietly “Leah we don’t even know how this will work” he pointed out “when we leave what happens then are you going to move in with them? Or even how do you plan on living at all? We have a lot to figure out where do we stay? How do we eat the moving costs you seem to act like everything is set up but the thing is we have no idea at all of how were going to make it” he said softly. It didn’t make sense when it came down to them they were in a sinking boat. Jacob could stay with the Cullen family but they would have to find their own path.

Their was a time when he had thought that he would know what he wanted to do but when it had come down to things he was lost. Closing his eyes he paused “I don’t want to leave you guys…I love you and you’re my sister but we are walking down this way blindly do you really want that?” he knew he was being harsh but he hoped she would see sense. When they left here they would need their own place as he was sure that she didn’t want to spend the rest of time with the Cullen family in their house. The smell alone would drive the groups apart given enough time “let us at least have a plan…I don’t want to always be in limbo as to where we could be going next…I just hope you see my point about this…were walking into something where we have no idea what could come next for us” he said quietly.