Contemplations (Edward)

[bella]

The flowers blew about, the fragrances intoxicating as they hit Bella's nose. Four years had passed since she had become a vampire. It had been a long time coming since then. Renesmee was getting bigger, things were changing in the vampire world. But still their family stood strong. The Cullens, even though passive, were a formidable force. They had Allies all over the place, and with friends like that, you tend to become strong.

Sitting on the grass surrounded by blooms of multiple colors, Bella sighed before laying back. It was cloudy, letting her skin stay the normal pale she had grown accustomed to. The meadow had once been a place where her and Edward went to escape the world. Their own little piece of heaven. He could find her here on days that she wasn't home and her phone was off. of Course on that occasion her phone was on, but today had been one of those days where she needed an escape.

The morning had been nice. It started with breakfast for Nessie, and then her daughter went off to spend some time with Jake. Edward had needed to take care of something as well, leaving Bella alone in the cottage. Cleaning was done in no time, leaving their home absolutely spotless. So then she became restless, having the urge to do something. And with that urge her day went sour.

The vampire decided to go to visit her father. Bella didn't take a car, but instead traveled through the forest, coming to see the house easily. She spotted her father through the window, the curtains having a gap in them allowing her to see in. He sat there on the couch, drinking beer, and watching a sports game. A pang of guilt hit her chest as she realized that she had abandoned him.

Bella had stood there watching her human father for at least an hour before she ran. The girl didn't stop until she was in the meadow. Thoughts started racing through her head as she began thinking about how Charlie would grow old and die, and how she couldn't see him much after her human birthday when she turned 26. She didn't age, and he would notice. Nessie couldn't even see him, not since she was an infant. There was so much she had to keep from him, just to protect him. It just wasn't fair. And Renee. She had no idea. She would never see her daughter again, and that fact almost killed her. The idea of faking her death like they suggested a few years back seemed more appealing. At least then they would grieve and then move on in time. But this way, it was as if she was eternally avoiding them. It wasn't fair to them.

[edwardcullen]

Edward had been out running a few errands for his family. He had to pick up a few things at the store that morning. He arrived back at the cottage to find it empty. No Bella. Or Nessie. Nessie must have been with his parents. But, Bella never phoned him to tell him she was going out for a while. He looked all the cottage for a note. Nothing. And that got him a bit worried. He walked in the bed room and changed out of his good clothes and in to some thing more suitable for the wood land areas. She must be out hunting. He could easily track her down. Due to the fact that he had her scent memorized. So he walked out of the house finally. He looked over at woods and ventured in. It took him what seemed like forever. He was really worried about her. She seemed a bit off these days. But he was gonna find her soon enough. He even called the Cullen house and no one had seen her today. He hated being separated from his wife. All kinds of thoughts raced through his mind right then. The possibilities were endless.

He started to move faster searching for her. And then he got the notion that she could be at only one place. That special place that they always met if they wanted to find each other. He headed for the meadow in a flash. He arrived. And stood at the edge of the opening of the meadow. And smelt her not far now. He sighed in relief and walked up to her slowly. But there was some thing off. He could sense it. She was upset about some thing. That was when he walked up to her and stood in front of her. "Bella? Darling...Are you okay?" He asked in his sweet low voice. As he placed his hands on her shoulders then. He knew she was not liking being away from her human family and all. But she really had no choice in that matter. And he also knew how painful it was to keep her father away from his grand child. He knew this was going to happen sooner or later. She would be really missing her family. "Bella...It's okay..." He then pulled her in his arms and held on to her in a hug...

He felt bad for this. He knew it was his fault for turning her. But she would have died if he hadn't. And her emotions were not helping the situation at the moment. He was feeling everything she was feeling. He just dealt with it the best way he knew how. He warned her about this and now he was seriously regretting. They were together, but things seemed, different. Than when they were just girl friend and boy friend. At least then she could still see her family. Now. it was the opposite. He just didn't know how she was going to deal with this over a 50 years from now when her parents would be long gone. All he could do at the moment was to be there for her. As he had always been. "Bella, speak to me. Say some thing. Please darling....I'm here for you, you know that right?" And he would always be there for her. Maybe the sad truth was, that she was probably having a mental break down. And could only handle so much.

[x]Word Count:: 608
[x]Tag:: Bella
[x]Song:: None^^
[x]Notes:: None^^

[bella]

Bella hadn't expected Edward to find her so quickly. It was a releif though when she finally caught his secent. He was close, maybe a couple of acres away. But when he spoke, the young vampire opened her eyes to reveal the golden irises. She studied her husband, trying to gauge his emotions. He seemed to know something was wrong with her, and she hated it when she worried him. But these days he seemed to be a little more cautious around her. Was it because they were drifting into a normalcy where he thought something bad had to break up the peace? Or was it because of her recent behavior? SHe seemed more fidgety as of late. Always expecting something bad to happen. Maybe he was mirroring it all. THe fall of the Volturi had shaken everyone, but today, it wasn't about that. Today it was a little more mundane.

Bella looked at her love and smiled softly. "It's fine. Nothing to worry about." She tried to reassure him. Bella didn't want Edward worrying about more than he needed to. But Edward knew Bella better than she knew herself. He pulled her into a hug before telling her it was alright. With a simple nod, the immortal girl buried her face in his chest before taking a deep breath as her arms wound around his waist.

This was so hard. Everything was getting rough again. Bella had thought she had all of her emotions in check and then something like this happens and then you. "I should have listened to everyone in the beginning." SHe spoke simply. She looked up to peer into Edward's gold eyes that matched hers in color. "We should have faked my death in the beginning. It would have been easier that way. Then we could have moved away. Somewhere remote where we wouldn't have to worry them anymore." She spoke in a soft voice, her words coming out kind of hurried.

[edwardcullen]

"It's fine. Nothing to worry about.""I should have listened to everyone in the beginning." "We should have faked my death in the beginning. It would have been easier that way. Then we could have moved away. Somewhere remote where we wouldn't have to worry them anymore." He frowned down at her when she said that. Basically she was dead. She died giving birth. But her saying to Edward that she wished that they had faked her death, that was painful to hear from her. He blinked his eyes a few times as he tried to grasp a hold of what she had just told him. But he held her there none the less. He knew she was in pain. A lot of pain. He couldn't help but worry about her. And that pain showed all over her face. When she looked up he only responded and looked back down at her. "It will get easier in time darling. In time, everyone you know and love will be gone. How many times do I have to tell you that?" He knew it was hard for her to hear. But her family was not dead.

Charlie was still very much alive. And he knew how close she was to her father. And the kind of pain she was going through. But luckily he lost his father in the nick of time. He did not have to wait out like she was doing. And he really couldn't imagine the kind of pain she was going through really. "You can always check up on him and he would never know you were there, you know..." He kept his arms wrapped around her perfect body. He secretly kinda missed the old Bella. The feeling of her heart beat was long gone. But he would never say that to her face. He couldn't bare the reaction he would get from that. He loved her none the less. And that was the end of the story. But their immortal lives were going to live on forever. And he was still feeling the need to protect his wife at all costs. Even though she was a vampire now. He actually felt relaxed at the moment that he had found her. She might not have been happy, but she was with him again. He was so worried about her condition that it was all he thought about.

He's ever since he met her had this strange hold over her. And it was still there. He remembered the talk they had one time when she was still human. He would love her even when she was immortal. So none of that had changed. And she would see the love he carried for her in his eyes. And she gave him the greatest gift that was very rare for vampires. A child...He would never be able to give her enough love to show her how much he appreciated what she had gone through for him...He tried his best to be the good husband she always wanted. He only hoped he was doing just as she wished. "Don't be sad...Please. I may not have the gift of emotions like my brother...But, I can still sense your pain darling." He still had his strong arms wrapped around her waist when he pulled her closer to only lower his head to the side and give her a passionate kiss...When he did that his lips were barely touching hers..."I love you Bella Marie Cullen."

[x]Word Count:: 620
[x]Tag:: Bella
[x]Song:: None^^
[x]Notes:: None^^

[bella]

Those simple words, repeated for the umpteenth time. It wasn't what she wanted. "It isn't that. I just wish it was easier for them. They probably think I am avoiding them. I don't want to watch them go through that." SHe paused and looked down for a moment. "If they thought I was dead, then it would be easier for them. In time they would heal." The idea had been circulating in her head for the longest time. She had just never voiced it before now. It wasn't like Edward could hear her thoughts. She was the one person he couldn't hear. And Bella knew that frustrated him.

It wasn't like she didn't know she could check up on her family. "I know, and that is part of the problem. I want to be able to see him, and he know I am okay." Pausing for a moment as a breeze played with her hair lightly, Bella thought about it all. "I guess that's why I think it would be easier if they thought I was dead." It was a morbid thought. A really cruel thing to do. Fake some illness that kills her, or a car accident. To be able to lay in a casket and be buried in the ground before being dug up again that night. But if she had to do it to make her family feel better about not seeing her, then she would.

But with that, she also had to think of the negative effects. How would her parent's feel about losing their only child? How would she have felt if it had been Renesmee? No, maybe it wouldn't be the best thing to do. THere just didn't seem to be any way around the heartache. Someone was going to hurt in the end. Maybe occasional phone calls and photoshopped pictures would be enough to hold her parents over through life. "I don't want to be. Trust me I don't. I just don't see a way around someone getting hurt over this." They had all warned her about it before she became immortal. So it wasn't their fault. The kiss they shared in that minute made all thoughts in her mind fade. "I love you too Edward Anthony Cullen." She spoke with a soft smile. This was better, the happy moments always outweighing the sad.

[edwardcullen]

"It isn't that. I just wish it was easier for them. They probably think I am avoiding them. I don't want to watch them go through that." "If they thought I was dead, then it would be easier for them. In time they would heal." "I know, and that is part of the problem. I want to be able to see him, and he know I am okay." "I guess that's why I think it would be easier if they thought I was dead." . "I don't want to be. Trust me I don't. I just don't see a way around someone getting hurt over this.""I love you too Edward Anthony Cullen."

He sighed when she said that last line. That's all they really needed right? Was love on their side and all would be alright. He pressed his lips against her own after that and kissed her deeply...She still got to him every time they kiss. It was a magical feeling that he loved having inside him. And he loved her unconditionally. He would do any thing possible to make her happy again. But this talk about her faking her death and all scared him slightly. He knew she had to do some thing. Other wise knowing Charlie he would use his detective skills to track her down. He pulled away from the kiss then. And looked deep in her eyes. He always caught himself trying to read her mind still. Though he knew she never let him and that kinda did frustrate him. But he was kinda glad in a way that she had that power to shield him off. "Bella, we'll think of some thing. We always do...And no matter what the decision you make, I'll stand by it no matter what...I promise you..." He said that as he looked down and sighed. He was not liking the idea that she had planned. But, if it would make her happy again then he would stand by her decision. At least she had the Cullen and Nessie as family. They would always stand by her side. No matter how dangerous the situation was. He placed his thumb on her chin and smiled at her. He knew how painful things would get. She didn't have to tell him twice. He's lived through a lot of pain...

The sun casted down and beamed on their faces. He looked down at her and smiled. As he grabbed a few of her finger in his own and linked them all together then as he rested her hand on one part of his leg. "I know things get complicated with being an immortal Bella....Believe me I know it all. Some things you just have to block out of your mind and do it. No matter how painful it seems..." Edward knew that her ideas made sense. But would the other Cullens agree to it? Maybe it was time for a family meeting again. But for now he was happy that he had her all to himself for the rest of the afternoon. When he couldn't find her he went a bit crazy...And was scared she had done some thing she would've regretted. But luckily as far as he could see she was fine. Except for the emotions that were driving her crazy....He knew her vampire side was making it tough to just calm down and relax. But soon after a few years, she would be fine with that and it would be almost like it was when she was human....

[x]Word Count:: 628
[x]Tag:: Bella
[x]Song:: None^^
[x]Notes::None^^

[bella]

Bella let herself get carried away by his kiss. It was incredible the passion that was still exchanged between every embrace and every kiss they shared. To her, everything felt like it did the first time, only more intense and invigorating. It was better each and every time. She couldn't see this relationship ever ending, and she didn't want it to. Edward made her happy, he gave her something she didn't know she even wanted. A daughter. Together they had a family and Bella had become quite accustomed to being a mother. "I know you will. I just haven't figured out what that decision is yet." sHe said with a soft smile as her fingertips gently touched the side of his face. Edward had always stood by her no matter what. She didn't think for a moment that he would turn his back on her.

A soft smile played across her lips as the sun beamed down its warm rays. As an immortal hot and cold wasn't ever an issue, but it still felt nice to bath in the sun when they did get sun in Forks. "It's not that its complicated. It's just troubling." SHe answered in response. This wasn't the kind of relaxing day she had planned, but then again, life was always throwing obstacles in their way, but it never seemed to rattle them much. The Cullen family was strong and together they could pull through almost anything thrown at them.

[edwardcullen]

"I know you will. I just haven't figured out what that decision is yet." "It's not that its complicated. It's just troubling." He couldn’t help but give her a small smile as he looked downward. He then felt her light finger tips touch his skin. As he looked back up at her with a soft expression that was so inviting as the last one he gave. ”You‘re worried about some thing that has not even happened yet…That’s…” He stopped talking though. He couldn’t find it in his place to even finish that last sentence. But her touch seemed to soften his mood and he smiled yet again at her. He just wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her it would all be okay. And there was nothing that would tear her away from her family. But he knew that was not even a solution now. He’s gotten it all and still he found himself regretting what he did. He did the most selfish act he could ever do. And that was to make the love of his life immortal just because he would have her forever. But the consequences that came with it, made him feel more and more like a selfish being that didn’t even deserve her love after what he did. But he would never tell her that. Because then she would be more worried about him than any thing. And he could not place that on her shoulders.

”I know I say this more than I should. But if we have each other, then there would nothing that could tear us apart. I‘m not the same person I was before I met you.” He then placed his fore head softly on her own as he closed his eyes. He tried to remember what it was like to hear her heart beating but now, he would hear it no more. And that was one of the things he cherished most about her. And now, he would not even have that to hold on to. No longer would he feel her warm touch. He had to admit feeling her cold touch on his skin was a bit more un-nerving than most of the pain he had ever felt before. He didn’t want this for her. And he knew that. But she still made it plain and clear that all her life she felt she was stumbling through some thing that was not meant to be….

Sure he still loves her. His love for her would be completely and unconditionally pure and honest. Through out their immortal lives. And now they had a daughter. He loved her so much that he could not believe that he could spread so much love like he was doing for his little family. Bella, was indeed a brave woman and he would not hold her against the life she wanted with him. She wanted to have a family just as much as he did. And now they have accomplished that. But what would happen next? What catastrophic even could take place that would wreck every thing? Maybe, Bella faking death? That would be tough on Edward. He had to admit that.

[x]Word Count::566
[x]Tag::Bella
[x]Song::None
[x]Notes::None^^

[bella]

Bella smiled as she gently caressed her husband's cheek with the palm of her hand. "No matter what we decide, We will still have each other, forever. I will never leave you." She smiled softly, her voice soft and soothing. Edward and Bella normally made decisions together, working as a team. She felt that his opinions on everything was very important, and how he felt normally shaped the outcome of everything. They were a family, and worked as such. She had no idea where she would be without him. He helped her through each and every day, just being around her kept her moving.

He was right. Edward wasn't the same guy that she met back in High School. He was more mature and caring. Less cold. She loved him even more now than she had back then, as if that was even possible. "No, nothing is taking us away from each other." SHe said as she moved in to wrap her arms around his waist, giving him a soft hug. This is where she wanted to be for all of time. Right there with him. Nothing could ever change that. She loved Edward, and she was not going to let him go. He gave her life, gave her life meaning. With him and their daughter, she had a reason to keep going each day. She would brave fire and hell just to stay with them and keep them safe. This was her family she was talking about here and nothing would tear them apart. She would die before that happened.

[edwardcullen]

"No matter what we decide, We will still have each other, forever. I will never leave you." He smiled slightly as he heard her say that. That meant a lot to him to hear that coming from her. "No, nothing is taking us away from each other."He smiled bigger that time and felt her wrap her arms around his waist and hugged him. He couldn't resist doing the same to her as he let his arms fall around her waist as well and they fell to her lower back....He couldn't loose her. If that happened then he would not be able live on. And even though she was immortal, he still found himself protecting her. It was an old habit of his. He could still feel her love for him. And he was at peace as long as she still loved him. If some thing were to tear them apart he would do what ever he had to, to make sure they found each other again. "I'm sorry I seem to worry about that a lot..."He said softly referring to the way he worried so much if there was some thing out there right now trying to pry them away from each other.

And nothing would ever be strong enough to tear them apart fully. They were meant to be no matter what any one said. He lifted his hand up to brush the hair that had blown on her cheek away and tucked it behind her ear then. He couldn't help but think of how they managed to even have a family. Bella was indeed a very strong woman. The one he loved more than his own life. He would definitely die for her and he knew she knew that. He glanced in to her eyes again a soft look in his own as he let his lips curl in to a smile again. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her fore head. She was the only one that could ease his troubled thoughts. He was really at the moment worried about Nessie and now he was more worried about Bella. How would she go about faking her own death? He wasn't so sure he could go through with some thing like that. "You have to see Charlie...." He said softly to her. He knew she was living a heart broken life with out her father....

This was his decision not hers...And if she did not agree to it, he would argue with her until she did agree. It wasn't because he didn't love her...He loved her with all his heart. But seeing her with pain her eyes was too much for him to bare. Even if she was immortal. Her pain was ten times greater than that of a regular human. And it made him sad too that she could not see who she wanted. He hated himself for making that not possible. He knew what would happen. She would not get to see either of her parents. But right now, that's all he seemed that she really needed was her parents right now. They had not heard from her in a long time. He wasn't sure if Charlie and Renee even knew their daughter was still a live. "It would ease my worry if you went to see him...Bella please....For me...." He knew she would say no but it wouldn't hurt for him to ask her. He wanted her to so much say yes she would do it. But the way she had been thinking lately. Her thoughts worried him to the point he had hardly eaten any thing....That's how worried he was for her.
That was when he leaned inward and placed his lips on her own. As he kissed her softly before opening his lips up....He could still feel the sun's rays beating down on them both...But he was trying to make her happy he hoped she knew that...His right hand lifted up and rested to the back of her head as he continued to kiss her....

[x]Word Count::725
[x]Tag::Belle Cullen
[x]Song::None
[x]Notes::None^^